Emotions

emotions,  everyone has them. Man woman child old young black or white.  So why are they such a taboo?
The traditional view of a butch lesbian is of someone guarded with their emotions. You’d never see a butch cry or whine about anything…..always a picture of class and composure. 

Whether this is good or bad is up for debate …I just hate it when you get the two sided coin phenomenon. 

You meet a handsome butch who is all poise and composure, then as soon as you get into a relationship they turn into a blubbering nightmare!
I’m all for sharing feelings and opening up to each other but to have such a drastic difference between the person you met and the person you’re having a relationship with is a little overwhelming. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is I find it sad that people feel they need to put up such a front. Why can people not just be themselves.

Is it because of societal pressure or is it because they are trying to conform to the “butch” stereotype

Everyone should be free to express themselves with no judgement, with no need for false fronts or bravado.

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The definition of a butch woman

These are a few definitions of Butch women I found on the net:

“Butch: Used as an adjective – “I’m butch” or “I’m a butch woman” as opposed to a noun “I am a Butch”. A culturally defined masculine female. The masculine gender expression can fall anywhere on a continuum that includes any and all of the following: masculine mannerisms, male clothing, haircuts, tastes, interest pursuits, thought processes and view of the world. May or may not be sexually aggressive (do-er vs. receivers). Is comfortable with the term “woman” as applied to themselves. Runs the gamut from “butchy woman” to “soft butch”, “butch woman” “butch”.” (www.butch-femme.net)

“butch (bʊtʃ)

adj.

1. Slang.

a. (of a woman) having traits of behavior usu. associated with males.
b. (of a male) exaggeratedly masculine in manner.
2. of or designating a haircut in which the hair is closely cropped.

n. 3. Slang. a butch person.  ” ( http://www.thefreedictionary.com)

 

 

Identity and Labels

After reading a recent post on Facebook talking about labels, I became rather disappointed by the opinions of some. 

People need to realise the difference between society enforced labels and personally chosen identities.  There is a vast difference between the two. 

For example … I identify as butch, some days a little softer than other , but butch none the less! I find it sad when some people get offended by the term butch, that it is something of an insult or loaded with connotations.
Us masculine inclined women need to reclaim the term butch and hold our heads high. Show society that you don’t have to be male to be a true gentleman!

Personally I love nothing more than the understated swagger of a dapper butch *swoon*

Butch on Butch Bravery

You would have thought that after all the struggles and discrimination women have faced over the years there would be a sense of sisterhood in the lesbian community…

No. Within this group, which has also fought against hatred and expulsion from society, we still find discrimination.

We all know how hard it is approaching someone who we find attractive. Its made even harder if we know that our intentions might be interpreted in the wrong way.

Approaching a butch as a butch yourself you’re often met with “alright mate” and other neutral greetings and friendly chatter rather than the preferred spicy flirting. Your intentions are misinterpreted and you are instantly relegated to the dreaded friend-zone rather than a potential partner.

Some people can work through this barrier , however it is very difficult , and sometimes, simply impossible if the other woman is into femmes.

It’s almost the same as the hurdle gay women face in straight clubs / non gay establishments eg: coffee shops etc. Seeing someone you’re attracted to and making the move, unsure of whether they even “swing that way”. Dating minefields!

That’s what relationships are all about at the end of the day. Taking a chance, making yourself vulnerable, feeling that thrill of the unknown. Yes it can be heartbreaking. It can tear your world apart. But if you don’t take that chance you’ll never know.

It takes an inordinate amount of courage for gay people to “come out” ….we need to harness this courage and keep it with us through out our lives. Be it fighting for equal marriage or something simple as approaching the person you fancy regardless of gay relationship stereotypes.

An interesting viewpoint on love…

Love is giving your everything to someone , regardless 

This kind of stuck in my side. Yes , love should be giving yourself to someone whole-heartedly that is one of the most beautiful things about love, sharing things that you wouldnt share with anyone else. 

It’s the “regardless” point I have on issue with…

Love is about give and take….yes take. I said it! People are too afraid to be selfish in relationships today. Especially in the queer community. 

From my experiences of the lesbian dating scene , women (and I’m generalising here, I apologise now to those exempt from this!!) throw themselves 150% into a relationship from the beginning, in a very selfless act of pure devotion to their partner. 

Otherwise known as the U-haul phenomena!! 

 

This is great….however there comes a point where you need something back. You can only give so much before you’ve got nothing else to give…you’re drained; mentally and physically. 

If you have someone who reciprocates your adoration then your tank is “refilled” and the relationship blossoms…

Its when you get a partner who just take take takes….and you, being blinded by your devotion, can’t see it , or don’t want to admit to seeing it. ( butch pride is a delicate thing! ) 

That’s when people get hurt and relationships turn into messy breakups/downs!!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we should be reserved with our affections and emotions, until we are certain that we will get back what we put in…like a good investment plan!! 

It sounds awful…but this kind of self preservation is the only way ( that I’ve found anyways ) that prevents people using and abusing your giving nature. 

So girls….

  1. Hold back on the devotion!
  2. Take off those rose-tinted glasses
  3. Be honest with yourself ….do you feel you’re getting back what you’re putting in?
  4. Don’t be afraid to be a little selfish!! Your happiness is just as important as theirs!